Home Movie 2008

One family's descent into darkness, using a compilation of found home-made footage. (imdb.com)

So I realize the past two reviews I did were of movies that I didn't particularly like and you are all probably thinking "Jesus, does she ever watch any movies she actually likes?" Why, yes, yes I do... But I also have a very high tolerance for "quality" in movies and will basically watch anything.

Well almost anything.

I don't really enjoy watching exploitation/torture films like Hostel (2005) and Cannibal Holocaust (1980). I dunno, it just seems excessive at times and I don't get what the appeal is. I try to give them a chance if they seem somewhat interesting from the plot (or the cover!) because I'm no damn pussy. But, I will turn them off if they get too icky.

For example, I did make it the whole way through Cannibal Holocaust but not Funny Games (2007). And I know I already said that I don't like them but I feel like if I did not at least try to watch these films, I would have missed a gem like Deadgirl (2008) which will get a review as soon as I watch it again because it is fucking amazing and disturbing at the same time. Which is pretty much the only similarity it has to Home Movie: amazing and disturbing.

I fucking love this movie.

I didn't know anything about Home Movie other than it had to do with kids and honestly, that's all I needed because seriously, I find those little fuckers scary. I mean, I love kids and everything, but they could turn on you. At. Any. Time. Just look at The Omen (1976), Damien was like what, three when he started fucking everyone's shit up? And then he was like thirteen in the second one when he found out he was the Antichrist and was to bring about the apocalypse??? Then The Children (2008) got all crazy once the germy little vermin infected each other and got all psycho. (Epic crane shot in that film which will also get a review once I watch it again). I could go on and on with even more examples (The Orphan, The Orphanage, Wicked Little Things, etc, etc) but lets just say I am not planning on having kids.

Don't get me wrong, I think they are awesome... until they are three years old. Then I don't trust the little bastards until they can be tried as an adult in the court of law.

Home Movie has this harsh honesty about it because of the way that it was filmed. It feels like a real collection of video segments from a family's life (or, descent into darkness if you will). And it is brought out in amazing ways like the reaction to certain "incidents" where the camera is abruptly turned off. As the audience you want to see what happens next, but you identify with the reaction. I also love how the film is broken up into chapters that are only identified by the preset camera intros like "HAPPY EASTER".

The Blair Witch Project (1999) did an amazing thing for the horror genre when they introduced the documentary-style horror film to a mass audience. Now, don't get me wrong here, Cannibal Holacost is the first example I know of that used the whole cinéma vérité/documentary techique in a horror movie. However, the controvesy that followed the release of Cannibal Holocaust with the violence seeming so real (and unfortunately in the cases of the animals' deaths, they are) and so exploitive and disturbing, the film was (supposedly) banned in 50 countries.

Blair Witch was basically, just a scary movie about some kids lost in the woods. However, because of the utter success of the Blair Witch marketing campaign with the whole "found footage" idea, the film itself was a great success and the most profitable horror movies of all time for quite awhile. And because of it's success and profit, it really opened up a new way to interpret the horror genre. (Unfortunately, it also opened up an avenue for Blair Witch 2 to be made but let's pretend that didn't happen.)

I fucking love the cinéma vérité/documentary style. It has got to be my favourite type of horror movie (which yes, is completely different than the scariest type of horror movie) And what I love the most about it is that you can do something with the style with a 25 million dollar budget and come out with Cloverfield (2008) or you could do it with 4K and come out with Paranormal Activity (2007).

Two other great examples of this style are [REC] and [REC]2. I fucking love them. If you have not seen them but are a fan of rage zombies and the documentary style you need to watch those movies. They will fuck your shit up. Seriously. You can thank me later. And don't even talk to me about Quarantine (2008) because that was just a waste of money. People need to get over subtitles and stop remaking foreign films.

Anyways, I digress... I do have to say that I was actually a little worried when I noticed Mr Nathan Petrelli from Heroes was in Home Movie because I find when higher profile actors get involved with lower budget films, there's a chance that the director will just let them do their thing with the character... which leads to the actor over acting the part because they don't fully understand how subtle you need to be sometimes with horror. (Granted, what do I know - I've had an attempt at subtly misinterpreted as a continuity mistake.) But I was pleasantly surprised with his performance along with everyone else in the film.

Now I am not saying that this film is perfect, although others are claiming it a more perfect example of the "found footage documentary". On the first viewing of this film, I did find the first act to be a little tedious but in it's defense, I found [REC] like at as well before I figured out what was going on. However, I totally didn't notice that on the second viewing. Yes I watched it twice. I had to show it to Mark :D

But, on that first viewing, it seriously fucked my shit up. Super seriously. There were moments in the third act where I just didn't know if I could keep watching and I might need a break but then I couldn't pause it because I needed to know what happened next. And those kids are fucking creepy. Even when they are trying not to be creepy, they are creepy. The second viewing I didn't find that as much, but at that point I also had the entire third act burned into my brain.

I need to give Christopher Denham some serious bonus points for KNOWING WHEN TO END A MOVIE! There is nothing I hate more than a super long drawn out ending that ruins a perfectly good movie *cough*cough*LOTR*cough*anyStephenKingMovie*cough* But there is nothing more perfect when a horror movie ends and you are like what the fuck just happened to me. Oh that was just the entire third act being burned into your delicate little neurons so it can feed your nightmares later.

In fact, I still don't know if I am really relating how fucked up this film gets. And you still might not understand if you have never seen Blair Witch. But, if you have, you know that last scene where it fucks your shit up? Imagine that for about TWENTY FUCKING MINUTES. Seriously.

Watchability: I seriously would not watch this film if you have kids. However, if you are thinking about having kids, I think it is an educational necessity.

Gore: It is not overly gory, you just catch glimpses of things. But it is high in the cringe factor.

The Box 2009

A couple is faced with a box and a choice, if they push the button, they will get a millon dollars but someone they don't know will die.

I actually decided to watch The Box because of the synopsis. It didn't sound too bad but then I found out that Cameron Diaz was in it. Then I found out that Mr. Donnie Darko himself, Richard Kelly, directed it. So I promptly put The Box in my stash so that when I ran out of "good" horror movies to watch, I could watch it.

That's right Mr. Kelly, I still haven't forgiven you for Southland Tales. What a piece of shit.

Anyways, imagine my "surprise" when I found out that there were no twists in this film. Well, I mean, there are, but if you have seen at least one SAW movie, you will figure them out. If you have seen at least one SAW movie and you have watched the entire series of X-Files or are familiar with alien conspiracies, you will keep thinking that at some point, it will get better.

It will not.

Yes, it was originally a short story (Button, Button) and then a Twilight Zone episode, but there is a big difference between a Twilight Zone episode and a fucking feature length film. I do not understand where people think that they can take a couple of pages and make you watch it for 115 minutes. That's right, Kelly took a 25 minute episode and turned it into a TWO HOUR LONG movie!

In fact, I don't even want to type about this any more because that's how sick of this movie I am. Seriously.

Instead of watching The Box, save yourself 113 minutes and watch The Button.

The Button - watch more funny videos

Watchability: If you loved Southland Tales, you will love The Box!
Gore: Mr. Stewart has half of a face. That's about it.

Blood Creek 2009 (aka Town Creek)

Blood Creek is about a paramedic who is pulled into a revenge quest by his brother that leads him to a farm where some weird shit has been going down since a Nazi came to visit 70-odd years ago.

I didn't know much about this film going in other than the dvd case looked fucking awesome which is pretty much how I rate the watchability of any horror movie that I haven't heard of. About halfway through the movie I discovered that Joel Schumacher directed it, who is also responsible for giving Batman and Robin nipples on their costumes. Why did I discover this interesting trivia half way through? Because that was about how long it took me to get bored.

Now it is not like I have some unrealistic expectations of a horror movie or some stunted attention span from not drinking enough milk, I just like to be entertained. I was not, however, entertained by this film.

I do think it is well shot and I do really enjoy the design and back story of the Nazi "monster", but I feel it was underused and the parts that they did use, wasn't enough to carry the whole film. The film did (almost) exactly what I thought it was going to do after the first fifteen minutes. The only thing was that I didn't really see the zombies coming. In my defense, my mind doesn't automatically make the jump from ley lines and runes to zombies even with the Nazi element mixed in.

The zombies were a really interesting, also underused, element because no one seemed to be vocal about the fact that this Nazi was just creating zombies. In fact at times, it seemed that even though all of the zombies had these white milky eyes, people didn't notice. Seriously, its like they have two huge fucking cataracts and you are telling me that you were just so relived that they weren't dead, even though you thought they were dead BECAUSE YOU WATCHED THEM DIE and you had some Nazi doing some crazy shit with runes that he has been doing for 70 FUCKING YEARS AND IS UNKILLABLE, that you wouldn't assume that they were fucked up and maybe want to give them a quick look over before you give them a hug? Seriously, people like that deserve to die in horror films. If I ever come back as a zombie and eat some of you people, I am just telling you now, I am not sorry because you should have known better.

The most distracting element, however, of Blood Creek was the soundtrack. Not to say that the music was bad, because it wasn't, it would be great in an action movie. But not a great action movie. More like an action movie about a superhero. That goes straight to DVD. They really missed the mark by not taking the soundtrack and using it for a creepy dark undertone to push across the whole "Nazis hiding in America fucking it up" feeling. At times it felt like Batman should be nearby, jumping across buildings, waiting for his moment to strike. But there was no Batman. Only the Nazi.

Overall I was left bored by this cliche adventure movie. There was some suspense, sure, but nothing that was amazing or unexpected. It reminded me of that horrible Michael Madsen movie "House", only combining it and the movie "Scarecrow" where the Nazi is Michael Madsen's Tinman character and instead of crows, there are zombie horses. Now I am not saying go out and watch "House" because that movie seriously sucks balls but if you have seen either of those movies, you would have an idea of the scope of suckitude for this film.

Gore Factor: I learned that in order for a third eye to grow, you need to make a hole in the forehead. Also, you can do this yourself.

Watchability: I would never pay to watch this movie.