Blood Creek 2009 (aka Town Creek)

Blood Creek is about a paramedic who is pulled into a revenge quest by his brother that leads him to a farm where some weird shit has been going down since a Nazi came to visit 70-odd years ago.

I didn't know much about this film going in other than the dvd case looked fucking awesome which is pretty much how I rate the watchability of any horror movie that I haven't heard of. About halfway through the movie I discovered that Joel Schumacher directed it, who is also responsible for giving Batman and Robin nipples on their costumes. Why did I discover this interesting trivia half way through? Because that was about how long it took me to get bored.

Now it is not like I have some unrealistic expectations of a horror movie or some stunted attention span from not drinking enough milk, I just like to be entertained. I was not, however, entertained by this film.

I do think it is well shot and I do really enjoy the design and back story of the Nazi "monster", but I feel it was underused and the parts that they did use, wasn't enough to carry the whole film. The film did (almost) exactly what I thought it was going to do after the first fifteen minutes. The only thing was that I didn't really see the zombies coming. In my defense, my mind doesn't automatically make the jump from ley lines and runes to zombies even with the Nazi element mixed in.

The zombies were a really interesting, also underused, element because no one seemed to be vocal about the fact that this Nazi was just creating zombies. In fact at times, it seemed that even though all of the zombies had these white milky eyes, people didn't notice. Seriously, its like they have two huge fucking cataracts and you are telling me that you were just so relived that they weren't dead, even though you thought they were dead BECAUSE YOU WATCHED THEM DIE and you had some Nazi doing some crazy shit with runes that he has been doing for 70 FUCKING YEARS AND IS UNKILLABLE, that you wouldn't assume that they were fucked up and maybe want to give them a quick look over before you give them a hug? Seriously, people like that deserve to die in horror films. If I ever come back as a zombie and eat some of you people, I am just telling you now, I am not sorry because you should have known better.

The most distracting element, however, of Blood Creek was the soundtrack. Not to say that the music was bad, because it wasn't, it would be great in an action movie. But not a great action movie. More like an action movie about a superhero. That goes straight to DVD. They really missed the mark by not taking the soundtrack and using it for a creepy dark undertone to push across the whole "Nazis hiding in America fucking it up" feeling. At times it felt like Batman should be nearby, jumping across buildings, waiting for his moment to strike. But there was no Batman. Only the Nazi.

Overall I was left bored by this cliche adventure movie. There was some suspense, sure, but nothing that was amazing or unexpected. It reminded me of that horrible Michael Madsen movie "House", only combining it and the movie "Scarecrow" where the Nazi is Michael Madsen's Tinman character and instead of crows, there are zombie horses. Now I am not saying go out and watch "House" because that movie seriously sucks balls but if you have seen either of those movies, you would have an idea of the scope of suckitude for this film.

Gore Factor: I learned that in order for a third eye to grow, you need to make a hole in the forehead. Also, you can do this yourself.

Watchability: I would never pay to watch this movie.